Emotional Intelligence Daily Success Rituals

Self-Awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence

~ Daniel Goleman

Emotional Self-Awareness is the capacity to tune into your own feelings, sense inner signals, and recognize how your feelings affect you and your performance. It is an important skill for leadership at any level, as well as many aspects of life.

The purpose of developing Emotional Self-Awareness is that it allows us to understand how our bodily sensations and our emotions impact ourselves, others, and our environment. Each moment is an opportunity to be self-aware. Thus, the more we practice it, the more proficient we become and the greater our capacity to recognize the space between stimuli and our response to that stimuli, ensuring a more conscious and skillful approach.

Without Emotional Self-Awareness, it is difficult to become proficient in and consistently use the other Emotional and Social Intelligence Competencies.

Sam doesn't realize it, but a victim is lurking inside him. Though he wears a sunny disposition outside, inside, the perky 52-year-old father is resigned to three ideas:

1. "It's too late in my life to go back to college like I always wanted to. I'd look ridiculous, and who has the time for that?"

2. "My ex-wife is to blame for my financial problems and my children's disrespectful behavior."

3. "No matter what I do—no matter how hard I work or how much inner work I do on myself—things are not ever going to change for me."

Quite a life sentence he's given himself: hopelessness and weakness, twin offspring of the same poisonous origin known as "Trigger Thoughts" and  "Victimhood."

When we operate from a victim mentality, we give the power to create our own life to someone else, and then we moan about how controlling the other is. To avoid taking responsibility, we create (and protect at all costs!) the dangerous illusion that we are always right. We blame others for our...

By Guest Blogger, Dr. Surendra Soni

Philosophy as well as Psychology are replete with insights into authentic (or true) self and false self. A vast quantum of research is already available in psychology around true (or authentic) and false self since Donald Winnicott introduced the concepts in 1960. What we need in day to day living is a practical awareness of how a false sense of self arises as we interact with people with whom we find it difficult to be positive and our best self. It helps us be our authentic self.

A little deep observation makes it clear that negativity in relationships gives rise to a false sense of self. It distances one from one’s authentic self and reduces the spontaneity and the joy of being which characterize the authentic self and is the basis of great and lasting relationships. So the costs of getting caught in negativity in relationships are pretty dear but a little deep awareness can save us from the real losses and rather bring us immeasurable...

Say the word "bully," and most people imagine a childhood playground and stolen lunch money. As traumatic as childhood bullying can be, workplace bullying can have an even more significant impact on the psychological and physical health of the victim. It also adversely affects other employees, the organization as a whole, and that all-important bottom line.

The Impact and Cost of Bullying

Lower Productivity -

How it costs the victim. When bullied at work, it's difficult to stay on-task and do one's best work. Bullied individuals likely feel distracted, disheartened, and disempowered. The stress of the situation also may be having physical effects, such as difficulty sleeping, fatigue, digestive problems, headaches, or muscle pain.

For many of us, our work performance closely connects to our self-esteem. We want recognition of our work. If instead, we are ridiculed or bullied, our self-esteem and confidence decline.

Company Costs -

When employees are not working to their full...

Every time Grace, a loving single parent, took time for herself, she returned
home with an awful sinking feeling. She didn’t understand why. “I had so much fun, and I'm proud of myself for making time for myself,” Grace thought to herself. Rather than expand from the joyous experience, or receive the delight and enthusiasm of her self-care, she contracted.

Grace’s contraction comes from the experience of shame, a poison that keeps us from experiencing our own joy and disconnects us from the aliveness within and around us. Whereas guilt is associated with a particular memory or situation and having done something wrong, the feeling of shame is about being wrong at our core. It is a debilitating feeling we have about ourselves that comes from a core belief that we are fundamentally flawed.

Sources of Shame
The poison that is the root of shame is absorbed in early childhood. As a
result of not being seen and loved for who we are, we develop the belief that we are...

Harnessing Subconscious Behavior to Move Into Conscious Leadership

With our constant stream of text messages, emails, meetings, conference calls, and so on, it is a minor miracle that any of us can accomplish anything. With our smartphones surgically implanted into our hands, our time is sliced so thinly that we never have room for error, focused time to develop big-picture perspectives or the time needed for an action plan, let alone the time to execute it.

 “Ineffective daily routines, superficial behaviors, poorly prioritized or unfocused tasks leech leadership’ capacities—making unproductive busyness perhaps the most critical behavioral problem” in our lifestyles today.

For so many of us—whether CEOs for major corporations, small business owners or solo-entrepreneurs—there is a fundamental disconnection between knowing what needs to be done and actively taking responsibility for it. Calling this disconnection the “knowing-doing...

How do people turn what we say they want into what they actually get?

Many articles, books and workshops advise us to conduct one's self “as if.” Behave as if you already have your dream job. Act as if you’re successful — function from confidence.

If we support the theory behind our actions, it means that we behave in alignment with the intentions we desire, and we’re more likely to achieve it.
 
Problems will arise when we don’t genuinely want the life we think we want. For example, we may say that we want to find a loving partner, be at our ideal weight, or start our own business but if we honestly don’t want the added responsibilities of behaving “as if,” your effort will be an empty exercise.

So what’s the solution?

Here are some ways I suggest you begin.

First, I recommend you begin slowly. When we decide to make a significant change in our lives, we often try to do too many things at once and find ourselves...

Imagine a résumé for our “subconscious”—that part of us that holds all the stuff we deny, discount, disown, bury or pretend does not exist:

Vengeful, easily victimized, lazy, bad, untrustworthy. Excel at hopelessness and rage, an expert on greed. Not creative. Never finish what I start. Stupid, a loner, damaged goods. Nurture evil thoughts. Certainly unlovable.

No one wants to admit to a dark side—it can be a frightening and shocking experience to our self-image. We spend vast amounts of energy denying and repressing this unwanted inferior self.  

What many of us don’t realize is that the shadow can be a helpful aspect of ourselves that holds the key to transformation—a loyal friend bearing the gifts of depth, integrity, vitality, and wholeness—if we choose to meet it and love it.

“Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once, beautiful and brave,” said poet Ranier Maria...

"What will you do with your precious life?"

Suppose I stopped you in the middle of your day to ask you this question posed by psychologist and poet Mary Oliver. What a beautiful opportunity to respond that you would spend your life exactly as you spent your day.

Your answer could be anything: doing work you love, caring for and giving love to your family, contributing to your community or the world, creating art, building a business, climbing mountains, making music. The key is that how you lived today is how you would choose to live tomorrow and the next day and the rest of your future.

For some, the life they live day to day is not the life they would describe if they were asked Mary Oliver's question. Instead, they might use phrases such as: "As soon as I can quit…" or "I'd like to lose…" or  "I used to dream about…" while explaining a daily life tangled up in too many demands and never enough time or energy to achieve the experiences that matter most to...

Believe it or not, stress is not the villain it's made out to be. In small, short-term doses, stress can give an athlete the competitive edge or a public speaker the enthusiasm to project optimally. It can even boost the immune system.

However, chronic stress over time—the kind commonly encountered in daily life, such as work overload, financial difficulties, marital problems—can have significant adverse effects on nearly every system of the body, suppressing the immune system and ultimately manifesting as an illness.

The danger occurs when stress becomes persistent and consistent, a way of life. Chronic stress raises the risk of viral infection and diabetes. It can trigger severe problems for asthmatics, lead to gastrointestinal issues and cause high blood pressure, which brings an increased risk of heart disease and stroke.

To get a handle on this silent adversary, you want first to recognize that you are chronically stressed. Here are four kinds of warning signs:

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