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Top 10 Fears Ruining Relationships in 2021

 

Loving someone can be risky business, so it’s natural that fear is present in relationships. But when fear operates in our lives in a way that hurts us or hurts others, it becomes a problem when it involves aggression or withdrawal. Recognizing these fears and how they may affect our lives can help us make the necessary changes to get the love we want.

  1. Fear of losing freedom. Tied down, trapped, cornered, stuck—this “claustrophobia” points to mistaken beliefs about what relationships are supposed to be. The ability to say No lovingly and respectfully and set clear and fair boundaries is an essential ingredient of a healthy relationship.
  2. Fear of conflict. Let’s face it—love can be messy. But it doesn’t have to be destructive. Constructive communication skills can be learned, and when handled with caring and respectful communication, conflicts can become vital building blocks of deeper trust and intimacy.
  3. Fear of change. Change means work,...
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How To Love Others Without Losing Ourselves

Modern culture prizes selflessness and abhors selfishness, in effect setting the two against each other. 

 

"The alternatives are either to love others, which is a virtue or to love oneself, which is a sin," wrote social scientist and philosopher Erich Fromm in his essay titled "Selfishness and Self-Love." 

 

How do we differentiate between valuing ourselves and egotistically indulging ourselves? While no one would argue with considering others, it could be worthwhile to re-examine our beliefs around being selfish. For example, do we genuinely aspire to be without concern for ourselves? Or is it important to value and love ourselves, think for ourselves, have a life of our own, and be able to love others without losing ourselves? 

 

The answers lie in self-knowledge. When we undertake an inner journey and come to understand ourselves truly—the sacred and profane dimensions of our lives—we develop the capacity to deal honestly, thoughtfully,...

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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

 

*June is PTSD Awareness month*


Robert just returned from Afghanistan where he witnessed an improvised explosive device (IED) destroy a Humvee in his convoy, killing his best friend. Now that he’s back home, he’s no longer the easy-going guy he once was. He has angry outbursts at the slightest provocation and uses illegal drugs to repress his wartime memories.

When Liz was seven years old, her stepfather sexually abused her. Now in her thirties, she wants to put the past behind her but can’t. She’s unable to establish intimate relationships and has frequent nightmares about her abuse.

It may not appear that Robert’s wartime experience has much in common with Liz’s sexual abuse, but it does. As a result of the trauma they’ve each experienced, they both now suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.

What Is PTSD?
PTSD is an anxiety disorder that affects individuals who’ve experienced firsthand (or witnessed) intensely traumatic...

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How Well Do You Part Ways? #Quiz

 

Whether there are children involved or not, ending a marriage or partnership challenges us in ways that not much else does. The term “emotional fitness” seems a contradiction in terms. And yet, there are things we can do, practices we can bring into our lives that will help us navigate the big waves and the roiling waters.

Take the Thriving quiz to see how well you part ways.

START HERE

 

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Daily Success Rituals 12-Day Challenge

 

Emotional Intelligence Daily Success Rituals

Self-Awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence

~ Daniel Goleman

Emotional Self-Awareness is the capacity to tune into your own feelings, sense inner signals, and recognize how your feelings affect you and your performance. It is an important skill for leadership at any level, as well as many aspects of life.

The purpose of developing Emotional Self-Awareness is that it allows us to understand how our bodily sensations and our emotions impact ourselves, others, and our environment. Each moment is an opportunity to be self-aware. Thus, the more we practice it, the more proficient we become and the greater our capacity to recognize the space between stimuli and our response to that stimuli, ensuring a more conscious and skillful approach.

Without Emotional Self-Awareness, it is difficult to become proficient in and consistently use the other Emotional and Social Intelligence Competencies.

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Recognizing Trigger Thoughts of Victimhood

 

Sam doesn't realize it, but a victim is lurking inside him. Though he wears a sunny disposition outside, inside, the perky 52-year-old father is resigned to three ideas:

1. "It's too late in my life to go back to college like I always wanted to. I'd look ridiculous, and who has the time for that?"

2. "My ex-wife is to blame for my financial problems and my children's disrespectful behavior."

3. "No matter what I do—no matter how hard I work or how much inner work I do on myself—things are not ever going to change for me."

Quite a life sentence he's given himself: hopelessness and weakness, twin offspring of the same poisonous origin known as "Trigger Thoughts" and  "Victimhood."

When we operate from a victim mentality, we give the power to create our own life to someone else, and then we moan about how controlling the other is. To avoid taking responsibility, we create (and protect at all costs!) the dangerous illusion that we are always right. We blame others for our...

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How Negativity In Relationships Gives Rise To A False Sense Of Self

By Guest Blogger,

Philosophy as well as Psychology are replete with insights into authentic (or true) self and false self. A vast quantum of research is already available in psychology around true (or authentic) and false self since Donald Winnicott introduced the concepts in 1960. What we need in day to day living is a practical awareness of how a false sense of self arises as we interact with people with whom we find it difficult to be positive and our best self. It helps us be our authentic self.

A little deep observation makes it clear that negativity in relationships gives rise to a false sense of self. It distances one from one’s authentic self and reduces the spontaneity and the joy of being which characterize the authentic self and is the basis of great and lasting relationships. So the costs of getting caught in negativity in relationships are pretty dear but a little deep awareness can save us from the real losses and rather bring us immeasurable...

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Workplace Bullying

 

Say the word "bully," and most people imagine a childhood playground and stolen lunch money. As traumatic as childhood bullying can be, workplace bullying can have an even more significant impact on the psychological and physical health of the victim. It also adversely affects other employees, the organization as a whole, and that all-important bottom line.

The Impact and Cost of Bullying

Lower Productivity -

How it costs the victim. When bullied at work, it's difficult to stay on-task and do one's best work. Bullied individuals likely feel distracted, disheartened, and disempowered. The stress of the situation also may be having physical effects, such as difficulty sleeping, fatigue, digestive problems, headaches, or muscle pain.

For many of us, our work performance closely connects to our self-esteem. We want recognition of our work. If instead, we are ridiculed or bullied, our self-esteem and confidence decline.

Company Costs -

When employees are not working to their full...

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Resistance Training to the Poison of Shame - Autoimmune Disease Awareness

Every time Grace, a loving single parent, took time for herself, she returned
home with an awful sinking feeling. She didn’t understand why. “I had so much fun, and I'm proud of myself for making time for myself,” Grace thought to herself. Rather than expand from the joyous experience, or receive the delight and enthusiasm of her self-care, she contracted.

Grace’s contraction comes from the experience of shame, a poison that keeps us from experiencing our own joy and disconnects us from the aliveness within and around us. Whereas guilt is associated with a particular memory or situation and having done something wrong, the feeling of shame is about being wrong at our core. It is a debilitating feeling we have about ourselves that comes from a core belief that we are fundamentally flawed.

Sources of Shame
The poison that is the root of shame is absorbed in early childhood. As a
result of not being seen and loved for who we are, we develop the belief that we are...

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Conscious Leadership

 

Harnessing Subconscious Behavior to Move Into Conscious Leadership

With our constant stream of text messages, emails, meetings, conference calls, and so on, it is a minor miracle that any of us can accomplish anything. With our smartphones surgically implanted into our hands, our time is sliced so thinly that we never have room for error, focused time to develop big-picture perspectives or the time needed for an action plan, let alone the time to execute it.

 “Ineffective daily routines, superficial behaviors, poorly prioritized or unfocused tasks leech leadership’ capacities—making unproductive busyness perhaps the most critical behavioral problem” in our lifestyles today.

For so many of us—whether CEOs for major corporations, small business owners or solo-entrepreneurs—there is a fundamental disconnection between knowing what needs to be done and actively taking responsibility for it. Calling this disconnection the “knowing-doing...

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