Whether there are children involved or not, ending a marriage or partnership challenges us in ways that not much else does. The term “emotional fitness” seems a contradiction in terms. And yet, there are things we can do, practices we can bring into our lives that will help us navigate the big waves and the roiling waters.

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The Ten Commandments for Change

• Expect the best.
• Listen before talking; think before acting.
• Get to the point.
• Change what they do, not who they are.
• Model the behavior you desire.
• Adapt your approach to the person.
• Provide for dignity and self-respect.
• Appeal to self-interest.
• Rejoice at success.
• Cut your losses with remorse, not guilt.

The Agreement Frame

“The Agreement Frame” is made up of three phrases you can use in any communication to respect the person you disagree with, maintain rapport, share what you feel is accurate, and yet never resist their opinion in any way. Here are three phrases:

I appreciate and…

I respect, and…

I agree and…

Eight Ways to Deal with Problems

• Assess the situation
• Meet the difficult behavior head-on
• Stay calm and objective
• Be up-front
• Make it a two-way conversation
• Put yourself in their place
• Be flexible
• Be tolerant

Watch Out - Dangerous misconceptions that cause conflict:

People always pay attention when you are...