Most people prepare for mediation the way they'd prepare for a hard conversation: they rehearse what they're going to say. That's a start, but it's not preparation. It's rehearsal for a version of the session that rarely happens the way you imagine it.

I've sat in this chair for more than 26 years, first as a behavioral consultant, now as an Accredited Mediator and Behavioral-Legal Specialist. The people who get the most out of mediation aren't the ones with the strongest argument. They're the ones who showed up prepared in four specific ways.

1. Know the difference between your position and your interest. Your position is what you're asking for. Your interest is why you're asking for it. Two people can hold opposite positions and still share the same interest, and that overlap is usually where mediation actually resolves something. Before you walk in, write down not just what you want, but why you want it. That's the sentence a mediator can actually work with.

2. Bring your docu...